Friday's tragedy in Connecticut was not lost on me this weekend.
I breathed a little deeper, looked a little closer, listened to the soft sounds of our days.
Most of all I held tighter.
I appreciated the small details of every minute.
I asked "why" so many times.
Why is life so hard?
Why must we be sad?
Why don't others see how much beauty is in our life?
Why do we have violence?
Why can't children grow up and have memories of joy and laughter?
Why can't all children grow up?
After that awful day I have more questions than answers. And I want to ask more. I don't know how to find the answers. That is a very frightening moment as a parent.
We tried our best to keep this weekend upbeat and festive, deep in holiday traditions.
We went to the "Christmas town" nestled in the mountains. We saw Santa and Mrs. Claus, but we kept our distance as we always do. I've had to come to the realization that we will never get that "kids sitting on Santa's lap" picture.
Then we made Christmas cookies. They are for our beloved school teachers. With more meaning and love than the kids know right now.
As we make our preparations for the holiday season, may we all remember how precious life is. We have chosen not to discuss the tragedy with our kids at this time. Their sense of safety and well-being is very important as it should be for all of us.
I go through moments where it hits me all at once. I let myself get absorbed in the pain, the grief, and pure sadness of the events that have happened. But I also go through moments where I turn off the TV, log off the social media, and get caught up in the joy of the moment. I listen to music, say a little prayer, live in the beauty that is around us. I think it's important for us all to find the balance. Let ourselves have the grieving moments, but allow ourselves to find peace and love that are in our lives as well.
Our children will someday know of the pain that happened that day. In some regard, as we walked them to class with extra staff and police officers in the hallways this morning, I can't help but wonder if they realize something is different. It saddens me, to see the need of all those precautions in an elementary school. Yet I am thankful for it, because it was not easy taking them to school today. Even with my constant reminders that those events are extremely rare. I still can't help but realize how much our world has changed. And instead of being frightened of the world we live in, the world our children are growing up in, I want to be hopeful. I choose to be encouraged by all of the love in our world today. The love that will surround families and individuals everywhere. Because that is who we are. We are born with love.
"The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness."
-Dalai Lama
Sandy Hook Elementary: we will remember you
