Dear Katelynn, Today you are Nine...

A not so long time ago, I had this picture in my head. I knew that one day you would walk among us. A girl with blue-grey eyes and golden hair. Her soul will shine brightly, I told myself. 

And so this picture was built. I saved all of my Nancy Drew books, after turning crisp pages chapter by chapter. I wanted to keep them ready for your hands. For your heart someday.

I didn't know if you would like the penny loafer detective. I didn't know if you'd accept my obsession with collecting journals with words on them to pass down and give you some kind of guiding light into all these years that lay out ahead of you. Like a worn path into swaying pines.

I didn't know very much. And that was precisely the way I wanted it. My job was to be ready. To be open and prepared for who you were to become. To give you pieces of me that were pieces of you. Even if you pushed them away. Even if you never looked at them twice. As long as you had them in your hands if you needed them.

You see, as your mother I know these things. I know that a daughter needs her mother in ways that she will never understand. Until it is the exact right moment. Until it is too late, or never on time, or tripping over herself in the process. And I wanted to be that for you long before you were ever here. I wanted to be that person in your life that you could imitate, or run away from, or make your friend or even your enemy. I wanted to be ready for all of it. I collected moments and things to bring me into this mothering of you. Because I knew that whomever you were and chose to become. I would love. I would adore. I would be proud of.

This is what I knew. What I had hoped for.

When I became your mama, I didn't know what you had planned. I didn't know of the love that would pour out from my fingertips. The bright soul that you are...Katelynn, you are now among us. And you bring with you the beautiful, one of a kind love to everyone.

Watching you grow into this amazing human being. This person who has a curiosity and passion for life and all its mysteries. You are the Nancy Drew of my heart.

Today, I am sending you love and honor into your life as it comes day by day. The journey that you choose, the people that you meet...I hope they give you the joy that you deserve. I hope life teaches you the lessons that you seek. And I hope that your heart leads you exactly where you have always wanted to go. This world is full of wonders and adventure, and I know that you will explore it in ways that you were meant to.

And if there is ever a day that you look at me with those blue-grey eyes and need anything that I have collected and saved over the years, rest assured I am ready. I have been waiting for you.

And if you want to keep searching, to gain the strength in finding your own truth. I am ready for that too. I want you to know that you are capable of cultivating your own solution, your own way into this world.

Something tells me though, that you already know that.

Most of all, sweet girl, I want you to know that you are loved. So much. In every way that you could have ever wanted, you are loved and accepted for exactly who you are. Even if it changes somewhere down the road again and again, you are loved always.

Happy Birthday to our nine year old. We love you so.