on writing

Lately, I've been getting a little nostalgic about creativity. Throughout phases in my life I've felt that urge and pull to build something to share with the world. In some ways it's just for my little world here at home, in others I want to make a larger contribution. Certainly this comes and goes, and at times the voice is small while in other moments it gets really loud. 

Last year was a growing experience for me in a lot of ways. I tried to go back to school, and I did well, but it's kind of like that big moment when you send a boat out to sea. You have a big farewell party, buy some cheap bottle of champagne and bang it up against the boat for the big "bon voyage." Everyone claps and cheers and you loosen the ropes and are finally on your way... except no one checked to make sure a compass and map were onboard. So you're just out there...with no real direction or idea of where you are going. 

That's where I was last year. I wanted so badly to get a degree, a piece of paper I've been pining for in ways that I cannot yet conceptualize. 

And so the big questions began rolling in. . .

What do you want to do? What's your plan? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? Is it worth it to get an advanced degree? Is this what you want to do long term? How much money can you make? How much do you enjoy school? Is it worth it to put the kids through another parent going back to school? When is enough, enough? What do YOU want to do?

I don't know how to go forward, all I know is this: I want to create. Someday, somehow I want to build something with my writing. I had an amazing experience this summer meeting one of my favorite authors, Claire Bidwell Smith. She was incredibly down to earth and had so many wonderful things to say, but one of the things that I walked away with was the realization that I could do this. I could build this. It wouldn't be easy, it wouldn't be quick, and it wouldn't be clear until I started. But I really do feel that this has been the answer for me all along. I've always been here to write. 

I'm still not sure my path, and I'm certain I will not know my journey...all I know, is for crying out loud, I finally found my compass. And for now, that is all this little boat needs.