a nurse's story

Do you want to hear a story?

Today I was a patient. This happens less frequently because I'm a little stubborn and a lot more influenced now by what I know. Let me just say this, nurse's don't make good patients. Don't act all surprised, I was told this on like Day 2 of nursing school. It's a thing. In fact, if you took a random sampling, most healthcare personnel would argue doctor's are better patients than nurses are.

Now that's on the table.

This morning while I was on my way to my appointment I ran through the list of items to discuss with my new doctor. Driving happily along with time to spare, listening to some mix up of 8:30 am radio talk shows until I cruised by my turn. I was on time until I couldn't find the office anymore, screaming at my GPS in front of a police officer's car. Eventually with only five minutes until my scheduled time I gave up and ended up calling the appointment desk in a parking lot of a next-door Urgent Care.

It went something like this.

"I'm supposed to be there right now, but I can't find you. I'm serious, I can't find you but the GPS says you are here and you are not. Where are you?"

"Ma'am do you see that tall building in front of you? Yes that is where you need to go. Drive that direction and park in the garage below."

"I see that building but I don't know how to get there."

"Back up. Turn right. Turn right again."

This went on an embarrassingly long time until I was literally parked by a person sitting up high in a building. If I wouldn't have known any better I would bet she watched me drive in the entire way. As I walked in, I could feel the eyes rolling into her head.

Shuffling into the office with -3 minutes to spare, the receptionist glanced at my uniform and asked for my updated insurance card. Making small talk I reached into my purse to find that I had not taken the new insurance card off the mailer it had came in several weeks ago. Taking a moment to rip it off the paper, in front of the line of other patients, I hurriedly picked the glue sticking to the back of it. I  apologized for the delay.

"It's okay, it happens all the time."

Liar.

I sat down in a big heap and shoved the card into my purse. Looking around me to check and see how many people had heard of my unpreparedness. Surely they were all side glancing me. I could hear their conversations at dinner already....    "Yeah, this nurse came in. She was late. Unprepared. Oddly, I don't think she knows how this works."

"Ms. Hain? Ms. Hain? Hello is there a Ms. Hain? Aimee......?"

The blood coming back to my feet, I pushed myself up. How much time had passed?

The medical assistant propped the door open for me as I apologized again for the delay. Pretending I had a fake bluetooth in and on a phone call. Of course.

Liar.

She pulled me into a room and asked the usual questions. And by the time the doctor had come in, she had discovered a bloody hangnail that I had been scratching the entire time, requiring a bandaid.

"I think we need to do an EKG. Before we start your new medication."

The assistant came back in with a familiar machine and I laughed out loud. Explaining to her that I do these on patients every day, and the last thing I would've guessed was that I would be under the electrodes today.

Silence gripped the air until I remembered what happened earlier that morning while in the shower. Looking up at the poor girl I gave her furrowed brow.

"What?"

"This is horrible. I didn't think anything was really happening today, and so I only shaved one half of one leg."

Her laughter bounced off the walls.

"Just relax, it's okay. I can't judge...it's winter time, we all do it."

Walking out to my car, I looked down at the pavement with a deep sigh. My performance made me cringe.

Suddenly, it hit me all at once. Realizing that my expectations were just that...my own. There was no curtain. No audience. No search for applause was needed.

I was a patient. And it was as simple as that.

Sometimes we have this image of what we need to be. What we have to set aside and keep out for all to see. There's pieces of us walking around, and it's okay to wear them from time to time. But when it comes to your own health. When it comes down to it, the only person you need to worry about. Nurse's, I'm talking to you...the only person you need to worry about is the patient inside of you.

And maybe, go all or nothing on the legs.