a space between

Hello again.

It's late and the middle of the week. The last three days I've had a migraine. The first in several weeks. And today when I took the medication my doctor asked me not to-- the one that relieved it within an hour but indeed brought on the high blood pressure in return. Well, I got to thinking.

There's a space between pain and complete relief. It is a euphoric feeling. A release of the fear you didn't realize you were holding onto. When the tingling sensation brings long awaited release. A beautiful breath lets you see the colors and hear the sounds that you had not been able to sink into before. Without pain I wouldn't notice. 

Isn't that lovely and miserable all at once? 

Last week we had visitors from Kansas. My mom and Gary came out to see us and it was so wonderful to have them here. We took in the rainy weather and sniffling noses with the spring blooms. That's the trade off again, see? We did love having them here with us.

In an effort to appreciate the green scene unfolding around us, we are making our backyard a space that we can spend more time in. Adding some of our own magic and doing our best to grow a vegetable garden. We have spent plenty of time at Home Depot and browsing books and websites about planting. If we're lucky (and at this point we need all of it), we'll have some lovely produce to add to our table this summer. I continue to channel the ancestors that came before us...all the delightful farmers who raised crop on the plains. Maybe they will help us.

Last week we all needed some extra TLC with the upper respiratory bug going around. I found myself soaking in the tub a little more and taking it easy while I was off work. The kids though, they had a more difficult time slowing down during their break. Needing the opportunity to get outside and enjoy the warm breeze. I find myself giving in. Really, I do think the outdoors gives us a lot of necessary good.

There are big things ahead. I just know it. I feel it deeply when I see the determination on their faces. They are growing in all the ways that we had ever hoped and then so much more. They are everything. Changing the world with the seemingly simplest moment. Whenever I see the fear creep up into the corners of my heart with the way the world is turning, I let go and breathe. Seeing their faces. They are changing it. These little hands of love and light. They have the key to it all, these darlings. Just let yourself be open to it.

I started listening to Yoga girl, Rachel Brathen's, podcast last week. She talked a lot about manifesting abundance and letting yourself trust that you are exactly where you need to be. I find a lot of comfort in that mantra. Because so often I think that I must be ten steps ahead of where I stand right now. When really, the reason I am standing where I am-- firmly now, in this moment-- is because I trusted in the first place. And it's true.

I know it in my heart, that it is true.

This morning I sat in quiet meditation for five whole minutes. The hour prior had been nothing but a cloud and blur of rushing around to get ready for the day. I felt my whole body reacting to the space around me. It was chaotic and my stomach turned, not yet ready for the start. Sitting down in a heap I closed my eyes. Listening to the breath inside of me. Becoming aware of my surroundings and the way I was reacting. Finally I gathered myself. Simple and small to start. 

After I was done I eased into the garage and started the engine. I turned off the radio and opened the windows during the  drive into work. Letting myself listen to the voice I often tune out.

Suddenly I realized that the signals I have been giving my body... the processed food, stimulants, lack of sleep, idle chatter, no movement... all of it was chaotic. I was sending my body a message. Loud and clear: you are not taken care of. And in return it felt off. My body's hard stop is a migraine. A way for me to look around and take note. 

Today I did. It's time to put the good in. Let spring be a gentle reminder that we have time to renew. Refresh ourselves with taking care, nurturing and loving our own body, mind and soul.

You deserve to hold space here. In this place.